it sucks to know

Its chinese new year again, in an instant, and I am completely in denial about it.
the worst thing comes when I feel damn lousy about myself.
Yet again.

I am not sure if its about my self esteem or am I just being too conscious about myself but heck, it sucks to know that I think I suck.

Have been feeling not myself at all recently,
I feel fat. no offence, but for a runner enthusiast like me, not running for a week and sucking at it after starting it again felt like I have not trained for a month or so.
I feel plumper, heavier, and bloated. And no thanks to CNY, Feb is gonna be a Flab month unless I work my way out.
No thanks to my sister either, her loss of appetite recently,and nausea makes me feel like im eating so much more than her. My already slim and taller sister is not eating and here I am gorging myself. So thanks, thanks a whole lot.

My skin is dry. Okay it has been always like that so I am not going to complain about this. I have been putting more moisturiser, so hopefully it works.

I am damn afraid of acne breakouts. So am still praying hard it will not happen, at least not this new year.

I have acne scars from my past puberty breakouts. I have got absolutely no money to get rid of those, and I think I would rather use the money for something else. But somehow when I feel lousy about myself, all these thoughts start sinking it when I thought I don't really bother.

I have stout, dark and muscular thighs. Oh well, used to them but its a loss of female traits.
In exchange for athletic performance which I dont perform very well either.

And I think I have slightly broader shoulders.

Ah why is this new year so hard to walk through?
Dear God, if you are reading this and understanding my fears, tell me what I should do and how I could just prevent this whole mindset from affecting me and my self image.