Thankful for,

you.
for waiting for me for close to 2 hours in school while im at the crematorium.
for getting me that carrot cupcake :D
for taking leave to attend the critique and only to attend the juniors' last few presentations
for coming all the way to NYP
for trusting me to be your listening ear
for hearing me out as well
for watami's and all things delicious
for the usual cafe moments at coffee club
for reminding me to be me
and for, being you as you.

thanks mimi <3

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
like you're nothing You're f*ckin' perfect to me

You're so mean,
when you talk about yourself,
you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead

So complicated, look happy, you'll make it
Filled with so much hatred
such a tired game
It's enough
I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons,
I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try,
but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time

Why do we do that? Why do I do that? Why do I do that..?

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me.

F*ckin perfect - Pink

and there I was,
staring out of the tinted glass windows
seated silently
among this stale air i dwell

wishing i wasn't so helpless
wishing i didn't have to appear strong
that i could just open up
since you knew something was definitely wrong.

Thanks, Taylor.

I can't say no more than Thanks, Taylor.
For burning a big hole in my pocket for your live concert right here in Singapore.
Yet,
being more than awesome on stage, making us honoured to be your first ever stopover on your world tour. Good luck with the 80 over countries left, cause I am so damn sure they will feel the same way as I did, watching you perform with that much zest and sincerity, you sure know how to touch our hearts with each and every soulful song you've composed so wholeheartedly.

So thanks, for not only being upclosed to us with your ukulele and guitar but,

for making us anticipate and all excited
for making us feel like heartbreak is just part of growing up
for making us feel that we should go about doing things that we will never regret
for making us feel that love can be that enchanting
for making us feel that we should never let go of our dreams
for making us feel that should always speak now.

Thursdays with Tiger.

I am in love with tiger biscuits dipped in milo.
Comfort baby food with biscuits being all soaked and soft after dipping it in milo. Ultimate.

Everything almost "T"here.

awfully Thankful for Tuesdays.
cause everything seems to start coincidentally with the letter "T" today.

Thank God,
`Elaine allowed me to work on Thursday instead of today. Had to rush to make payment for NCAP theory course since there's no other days avaliable to pay.
` Tuna sandwiches
` Sister Talk with my sister
` getting all pumped up for Taylor's concert Tomorrow.
` Tiger biscuits dipped in Milo
` a nice long walk
` a short run
` Tablet of Redoxon vitamin
` Trusty pair of shoes
` The way to SSC and figuring it all out by trusting my instincts
` Quick process of payment for NCAP
` Iced coffee
` Theory notes for BEC
` Total Focus to study
` Gum
` Bread
` Nuggets
` Water
` Uni applications. Im crossing my fingers on this.

and now, i shall just anticipate for Taylor and more Taylor.
I realised im actually not obssessed with her, Just her music and her songwriting and how she places all those heartfelt emotions into each and every of her songs. Its amazing how a young woman can do all that.
I am inspired.

Monday mornings.

Adapting to the weather here again in Singapore after just 3 days in Genting.
But all's good, warm and nice. not cold and dry.
It's always comforting to see the sun rays shining through my windows and casting its light upon my blankets when I wake up in the morning.

Its even better when my sis woke up as early as I did, and so I cooked mushroom instant noodles for her.
Today, Im all thankful for,

Peanut butter sandwiches
Earl Grey Tea
Hello Panda biscuits
a piece of mochi thingy
Phineas and Ferb on disney channel
the ability to focus on studying for BEC last night and today as well
Season of the Witch movie
Meeting up with friends
a nice short swim
the sun
Gum
and the anticipation for Taylor's concert, 2 more days!
and she's already here in Singapore.

There's a reason to smile even more now!

it sucks to know

Its chinese new year again, in an instant, and I am completely in denial about it.
the worst thing comes when I feel damn lousy about myself.
Yet again.

I am not sure if its about my self esteem or am I just being too conscious about myself but heck, it sucks to know that I think I suck.

Have been feeling not myself at all recently,
I feel fat. no offence, but for a runner enthusiast like me, not running for a week and sucking at it after starting it again felt like I have not trained for a month or so.
I feel plumper, heavier, and bloated. And no thanks to CNY, Feb is gonna be a Flab month unless I work my way out.
No thanks to my sister either, her loss of appetite recently,and nausea makes me feel like im eating so much more than her. My already slim and taller sister is not eating and here I am gorging myself. So thanks, thanks a whole lot.

My skin is dry. Okay it has been always like that so I am not going to complain about this. I have been putting more moisturiser, so hopefully it works.

I am damn afraid of acne breakouts. So am still praying hard it will not happen, at least not this new year.

I have acne scars from my past puberty breakouts. I have got absolutely no money to get rid of those, and I think I would rather use the money for something else. But somehow when I feel lousy about myself, all these thoughts start sinking it when I thought I don't really bother.

I have stout, dark and muscular thighs. Oh well, used to them but its a loss of female traits.
In exchange for athletic performance which I dont perform very well either.

And I think I have slightly broader shoulders.

Ah why is this new year so hard to walk through?
Dear God, if you are reading this and understanding my fears, tell me what I should do and how I could just prevent this whole mindset from affecting me and my self image.