Despondent.

Ive been feeling so lousy about myself lately.
Everything is just not going the way it should be.

Im not trying to be yet another emo kid, but frankly speaking, up to this point, i still breathe in the air of solitude, walk in the footsteps of a haunting silence, people are still revolving around me but im still unable to move.
Gee, talk about having a life.

Just whats going wrong?

My self esteem is sinking, and its always ending up in self pity
My confidence is faltering, but it has never been its optimum,
no one truly understands how i perceive things because they look at it differently,
Everyone is having a life they live it up but me,
Im drifting from God when i never was supposed to,
I neglected running and my fitness level is back to square one,
IVP is coming and im feeling so unfit,
ive been having odd dreams that i could interpret
someone stole the bicycle i bought together with wb
i work and work like there is no tommorow
im still lingering in the past
i feel dejected.

When everything is back to zero point, there is nothing you can turn to.

Sometimes, we realised we are alone.

Today, just like any other day, its just me and the sound of my footsteps.

I walked up steadily this winding uphill slope everyday home. Every night as i walked up, the overhead lamp would shine down upon me, casting its glow on my silhouette, i would watch my shadows, hear my breathing, quicken my pace, determined to reach home as soon as possible.

Some nights are different. I would take time to slow down, contemplate, and remember how small i really am in this world.

Im nobody worth remembering, but my value encompasses how much im worth.

I asked myself while i strolled up tonight, " Do you have a life? Why are you standing here alone again?"

Finally, IAP has come to an end.
We are freed.

Looking back, i still feel useless.
Whatever i did what i ought to do or not, ive still got no direction.

but in any other case, goodbye to STAero FOREVER.

Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

This is what it means to 'lose your life'- forgetting yourself in service to others.
When was the last time you emptied yourself for someone else's benefit?
It's only when we forget ourselves that we do the things that deserve to be remembered.

Often enough, a lot of our service is self-serving.

So, Ask yourself this, 'Am i usually more concerned about being served or finding ways to serve others?'

Coffee anyone?

Should have posted this beautiful picture of the Starbucks Tumbler Carling and Ken got for me on my birthday a month ago but blogger failed me.

So this time since Blogger is working again,i would like to say how authentic this tumbler is!
Thanks a mil guys!

One week to end of IAP, anticipating.

Ah im losing myself.

Woke up at the wrong side of bed this freaking Monday Morning. No, actually i didn't really even sleep at all.
Tried to sleep at 0200 only to wake up at 0500 and i could not go back to sleep.

The wierd thing about my sleeping habits now is, i tend to sleep in the day, though im really really worn out in the night.
Insomia? Night Owl? Whatever you call it, it still sucks.

Sleeping at work is pretty energising though.
In total, i can sleep up to one hour or so. Amazing eh, ive yet to get caught. At least not after lunch!

Sigh, ive been telling myself this, Just 8 more days, and it will be over. Self consolation just got the better outta me.

You don't know how much i miss this lot of you.

I recalled the good old times in Year One while stoning at work today, and realised how fond those memories were etched in me.

The innocent carefree us, we didn't care a heck of how this world was turning into because we had no worries, no burdens then. We just lived everyday like it is in school because the only thing we looked foward to was having each other's company.

Now we realised a different thing, and go on separate ways, but some things just have to stay.

P/S: Happy Ramadan Month phat and ct!

Anticipating the end.

Hang in there guys, just two more weeks, just two more.
And we will be freed.