on who i really am.

I was reading up on my all-time favourite blogs at work, as usual whilst I'm free.
I love how they inspire me, make me think deep, make me stronger as a woman, make me live and love life and make me rise up after I fall.

Just hours ago, I came across a wonderful post that set me thinking on who I really am.
It is generally about women written by a great woman.

Maryanne Comaroto states,

"What if you just let go? Let it all go? All your attachments: your life as you know it, your identity, what you think of other people, of what other people think of you? Any and all ideas you have about who you are, what is and how it supposed to be, vanishing in the distance as you voluntarily let them go?

The stories about your childhood, about the person who cut you off in the parking lot, about “How come that person has more than me or isn’t as good?” Who did what to you, who didn’t do enough. Who owes you, who you need to avenge. How you are going to save the world, your child, the animals, yourself. What the government is doing—or not—and how you could do it better. What other people should be doing instead of what they are doing, and how obvious that is. What time you should get up, what time you should get to bed, eat lunch, color your roots, get rid of that old couch, that bad relationship. What if you let it go?

What if you stopped worrying about whether or not you should stop drinking Diet Coke, boycott Starbucks, and hurry, before the movie starts. About whether or not you're smarter, more evolved, more competent, a leader, are here to do something BIG, are special, entitled and privileged. That you’re a fast reader, a slow learner, have a powerful job, or are tired of being unemployed. That you’re sensitive, fragile, fierce, overwhelmed, overworked and underpaid, discriminated against—and if someone could just see who you really were, maybe you would believe it yourself.

That anyone knows what’s best for you, that it matters if you are loved, and that there is such a thing as a soul mate. That there is anywhere to get—but you had better get there before it’s gone, as there are only so many windows of opportunity. That anything is bad or good, positive or negative, hurry up, slow down, that there is such a thing as success and failure and that anyone’s life is anyone’s responsibility.

That everyone you know is struggling, many people you know are sick, a third of our nation is obese, times are tough, life is short, and that if you pray hard enough God will reward you instead of the three-hundred-thousand other people who just died in Haiti, write you a personal check and make it all better. That things are getting worse/looking up, the earth’s magnetic poles are shifting, and blue is the new black. That you have nothing to give up—and let that go, too.

What if you let all that go? Imagine it if you can, even for a moment. Go through the life you live right now and let it all go. Who would you be? "

now all that she says made her a even stronger and positive woman.

I perceive myself as independent, and I still think I am.
People do see me as one as well, i guess.
I don't like to share my feelings or anything related.
I still don't.

I am stubborn.
I am strong willed.
I drift away easily, yet even more determined to come back.
Sad to say, I often neglect people and life. But that is how I really am.

Women should be strong and confident. Women should be demure. And so instead of seeing myself for the beautiful person I really am, I only see all the ways I am not what I “should” be.
Who would I be then? To live a life I have.
who would I be if no one was watching? What would I like? What would I do every day, and who would I do it with?

There are still way too many things I can't let go of.